


Tradition

by spiralicious



Series: Stargate 25th Anniversary [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: 5th anniversary, Community: allbingo, Crack, M/M, Sexual Humor, Stargate 25th Anniversary, Sun Card, Tarot Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 05:26:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiralicious/pseuds/spiralicious
Summary: Someone keeps leaving plastic cutlery everywhere for Rodney, driving him crazy, and he's going to find out who it is, if it's the last thing he does.





	Tradition

Twenty-eight. The packet of plastic cutlery on his pillow, laying there like a mint at a hotel, brought up the total to twenty-eight. They were everywhere, the lab, his locker, the chairs in his regular sitting spots, and once, memorably, in his thigh holster. Practical jokes were one thing. He could appreciate that they all could get a bit stir crazy every now and then, and understood it was all just in the spirit of camaraderie. 

Okay, he couldn't and he didn't, but he had been willing to let it slide. However, now they had defiled the sacred space of his living quarters, mocking him. It was where he rested his big important brain that was expected to save their collective asses, sometimes multiple times a day. Whoever this cutlery wielding menace was had to be stopped and possibly punished. All Rodney had to do now was figure out who and what kind of an accident it needed to look like. 

But first, coffee. He had only gone back to his room to change into a new shirt on his way to the mess hall. Radek had managed to spill both of their coffees on him. It did, unfortunately, exclude Radek as a suspect though. He had been the one to call Rodney from his quarters to the lab in the first place and they had been together they entire time until the aforementioned coffee spill. 

Unless, he was in cahoots with cutlery fairy. Maybe it was a city wide conspiracy to slowly drive him crazy? 

Okay, even Rodney had to admit that was maybe a little too out there. 

Surprisingly, the cutlery imp didn't strike for the rest of the day. 

Rodney, however, was going to find out who the little gremlin was much sooner than he anticipated. 

The next day when he stumbled into the locker room to prepare for a mission to MS7-936, he caught John red handed. 

All of Rodney's gear was on the bench while John stood, cramming his locker full of packets of plastic utensils. 

“You!”

John dropped the box and backed up. “I can explain!”

“Do so quickly!” Rodney was already plotting what his next move would be after cutting off all of the Colonel's hot water. 

“It's our anniversary!”

Rodney decided he could not have heard that right. “Our what?”

“Our five year anniversary,” John said with much more confidence this time. 

“You do know we're not married? And what does that have to do with driving me mad with packets of plastic utensils?!” Rodney gestured wildly. 

“The traditional gift is silverware. This is the best I could do given the situation,” John stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Rodney was fairly certain John had lost what little of his sanity that had been left. “And that has what to do with tormenting me with what looks like it's approaching triple digits of utensil packets?” 

“I was going for one thousand eight hundred twenty-five.” John looked entirely too smug.

“One thousand...” Rodney groaned, realizing that was how many days there were in five years. “You are certifiable!” 

“It was easier than coming up with something for wood.”

“Wood?”

“Well, yeah. It's the original traditional fifth anniversary gift.” 

“Wait, so you could have given me wood, but instead you gave me an insane amount of plastic cutlery?”

“I, uh,” John scratched the back of his head, “wasn't sure you'd be, you know, a wood enthusiast.”

“And yet, you thought I would be a plastic cutlery enthusiast?”

John shrugged.

Rodney smiled smugly. “Aren't we supposed to get each other gifts for our anniversary?”

“Yeah...” John raised an eyebrow in concern.

“I could give you wood, you know, to be traditional.”

“That could work. You know, for the sake of tradition.”

Rodney was quickly learning to appreciate anniversaries he didn't know he had.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "5th anniversary - wood or silverware" prompt off the Stargate 25th Anniversary Table and the sun card prompt for the Tarot Bingo Fest 2019 at Allbingo.


End file.
